One Knee Down - An ultimate player’s worst nightmare
In September, 2021, I broke my knee. This is almost every ultimate players worst nightmare because the recovery period is long. This typically means no frisbee for at least a whole year, which is a very long time considering a club season only runs from late April (tryouts) to mid/end of August when nationals take place here in Canada. Rehab for a torn ACL can take up anywhere between 8-12 months.
I saw a sport medicine doctor and my favourite physiotherapist almost immediately, and while waiting to get my MRI and the results, I continued physio and got full range of motion back in my knee.
November 26, 2021 - I got my MRI results back and probably the most devastating news both my ACL and my meniscus were fully torn. In the back of my mind, I should have seen this coming but for it to be said out loud and to my face made it very real. That was a rough Friday afternoon. I cried a lot that day, and only confided in a handful of people because it was really hard to say out loud.
Looking back I realize now that in some ways it felt like (and still feels like) grieving. Grieving for a sport I can no longer play - a sport that I’ve put so much of not only myself but also my time into. Grieving over a lifestyle I can no longer live, since so much of my life (my friends, my social circle) revolved around being able to play this one sport, and for that to be taken away was utterly devastating.
Something else that still challenges me to this day is FOMO - but not in the traditional sense, more so the feeling of being left behind physically. While I’m here waiting for surgery, and when I’ll be going through rehab post-surgery, everyone is and will continue to grow, get better, and train harder. There is only so much I can currently do with one knee so having it all come to a halt, and watching all my hard work diminish has been a challenge within itself.
January 29, 2022 - Fast forward a couple of months to the day I was scheduled for knee surgery, the day I was supposed to be getting fixed, or so I thought. Find out more about why surgery didn’t happen in episode 6 of The Building Blocks podcast with Vic and Matt. For the past few months I’ve been running back and forth from the hospital to home every couple of weeks, doing every test imaginable, and running every type of bloodwork. I’ve been referred to an endocrinologist to hopefully confirm a couple of results, and will have to probably endure some more bloodwork before we can actually get another surgery date locked in. My fingers are crossed as we continue to play this waiting game, but I can’t help but feel defeated some days. It feels like every hospital visit I take, there’s always another test they have to run, or another type of doctor I need to see.
2022 has been an unbearably challenging year thus far, and I know this is not the worst thing that could happen to me and there are people out there far worst off, and for that I am eternally grateful. I think the reason it has been so hard for me the last 6 months is because it feels like I have been stripped of what feels like a large part of my identity. This is not just ultimate frisbee (even though frisbee is a very large part of it), but having only one functional knee takes away the ability to do a lot of things I love and enjoy, including high intensity workouts/activities, and pretty much every type of sport. Everyday workouts and movements that I used to be able to do without even thinking twice about has had to be modified or has become significantly challenging, including walking up and down inclines and stairs - stairs have become my worst enemy.
On top of it all, all these physical things I previously did, was also used as an outlet to help with stress and burn out so I’ve been taking the time to find new hobbies and activities to replace this. My love for reading has been something that I actually re-discovered during this time. In October I picked up A Court of Thorn and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, and instantly fell in love with the story, and the series. My knee was definitely to blame for this. This series found me at a time when I desperately needed another outlet that wasn’t physical activity, athletics or sports in general, and right after tearing my ACL I would spend days on end reading.
Lastly, I cannot end this piece without mentioning all the people in my life. I am and continue to be eternally grateful for my amazing support system during this trying time. This includes my roommate/boyfriend/life partner, all my frisbee playing friends who continue to let me know that they are thinking of me when they’re on the field, and friends who continue to look for and schedule non-physical activities that we can all do together.
You are the reason I’ve been able to move forward everyday and your love and support have helped me more than I can express. You are who I think about on my lowest of days, and know I can turn to. Thank you.
An update will for sure come the moment I am able to lock in a surgery date, thank you for reading this piece (AKA an ode to my knee). Until the next one. 👋