When I set my mind to something, I like to complete tasks/goals immediately, meaning I will devote all of my time to x task until it’s completed no matter how long it takes. I will push other things like work, eating, sleep, etc. aside to get the job done. My fear of failure creates adrenaline that pushes me in times of literal exhaustion and hunger, which is great in some situations, but not so great when creating habits.

My knee might have stopped working the way it should for a while, but that doesn’t mean my life has to.

From a very young age, I learned that if I wanted something, I had to be the one to go and get it. I thank my parents for instilling this in me. I remember going out with my parents on weekends, and my mom always telling me that if I wanted to bring something, I had to be the one to carry it, because they weren’t going to hold the stuffed animal, toy, or whatever it was that I wanted to bring. That stuck with me as I grew up, knowing that If i wanted a job I could be proud of, and checks all my boxes, I was going to have to do x, y, z, in order to get myself there and that’s exactly what I did…

I was so focused on getting into the workforce and checking off all the boxes on my list of milestones that I lost sight of what my idea of success entails. At the same time, I was so focused on getting to this specific milestone that I also forgot to continue to set new goals. I got here and all of sudden I didn’t know what to do next…

Looking back I realize now that in some ways it felt like (and still feels like) grieving. Grieving for a sport I can no longer play - a sport that I’ve put so much of not only myself but also my time into. Grieving over a lifestyle I can no longer live, since so much of my life (my friends, my social circle) revolved around being able to play this one sport, and for that to be taken away was utterly devastating.

I’m definitely no writer, blogger, vlogger, or influencer by any means (maybe a podcaster now though?), but I’d like to think I’m a creative thinker at best, and what better way to showcase and share my ideas than a website? I’ve always been better at articulating my thoughts, feelings, and emotions through writing anyways. I’m doing what excites.