Life is Not A list of Checkboxes
What happens when you grow up living to accomplish and reach this one over-arching goal? You get there, and now what? What’s next?
I went through high school, and post-secondary doing pretty much everything I could - joining clubs, playing sports, getting good grades - in order to get to where I am. Not to paint a bad picture, but only to preface that now in hindsight I realize it was done in order to get here. Earning a degree and getting a stable 9-5 job are our parents’ ideas of success. It’s not that I dreaded any part of it, I actually loved every minute of it. I put myself in the clubs, teams, and social groups that I wanted. I appreciate and am grateful that my parents never restricted what I could and couldn’t do, no matter how many times I would get hurt while playing frisbee.
Growing up in an Asian-Canadian household, there was ALWAYS a large emphasis on doing well in school (specifically getting good grades) in order to get into university, and then eventually to get a good paying job. It was ingrained in me from early childhood that this was the only way to become successful because this was the only way my parents and grandparents knew how. As immigrants, they came to Canada a lot later in life, where they did not have the same opportunities to go to school, and get a higher education. At the time, you only needed a university diploma in order to get a stable job, and to them, there was no other way to do it. The only problem is, today’s workforce, the one that I entered and am currently living through is not the same as when my parents and my grandparents entered.
Looking back now I couldn’t tell you if it was because it was ingrained in me or if it was my choice, honestly it was probably a little bit of both. They definitely instilled the foundation for me to want it for myself. As I got older, the pressure to perform well in whatever it was I was doing lingered in the back of my mind. I started to feel that same pressure more so from myself than anyone else. In adolescence, the people I surrounded myself with had the same drive and desire to perform well, and in turn that made me want to do well because well 1) I am highly competitive, 2) and I didn’t want to get left behind. Once undergrad rolled around, there was no longer anyone to compete with as everyone went into their specialized fields/programs. This was where the second part of that goal kicked in - to be able to leave my undergraduate career and find a job. I didn’t want just any job, I strived to find something that 1) I was passionate about, 2) I was good at, and 3) I could see myself doing for a long long time. Similar to when I was younger with joining clubs, teams, extracurriculars in high school, I knew I had to continue to put myself out there and put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to find this. After all, I only had 4 years of university to figure it out.
So here I am today, currently working a stable 9-5 (and very flexible) job in tech, and all I can think about is what’s next. I’ve checked off all these boxes in my 23, almost 24 years of life now and yet I still don’t feel fulfilled. It’s funny because I actually saw a TikTok about this the other day. You work your entire life to reach this over arching goal, this bigger picture, and now you feel almost lost.
This was when I quickly realized that not everyone’s ideas of success are the same. My family’s idea of success, is not what success means to me. I dive into this a little bit on episode 5 of my podcast (shameless plug, I had to). The gist of it is, my version of success isn’t to get a job and stay at the same company for 20+ years and climb up the corporate ladder. For some, yes that is their idea of success, and by all means feel free to do so, kudos to you. At this point in life, for me, success entails getting better, and continual learning. I’ve run into so many people who look for that stability and after talking to them about feeling complacent and lost, they often reply with:
“Why are you looking for a new job?”
“ Your current job pays well, and provides you with good benefits, why would you want to leave?”
I was so focused on getting into the workforce and checking off all the boxes on my list of milestones that I lost sight of what my idea of success entails. At the same time, I was so focused on getting to this specific milestone that I also forgot to continue to set new goals. I got here and all of sudden I didn’t know what to do next.
I’ve only recently just got back into the groove of figuring out what’s next on my list of goals and milestones, and what needs to be done in order to get there. I often find myself needing to take a step back to remind myself that it’s okay to not meet these traditional timelines, everyone’s timeline is different, and it is still very early on in my career. I still have time and I will eventually figure it out.
So that’s where I’m currently at - constantly reassuring myself that I am not falling behind, and that there is no set age or timeline I need to follow and that is completely okay. Thanks for reading, see you next time! 👋